Proverbs 28:13

"He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy."

This proverb demonstrates two elements required to deal appropriately with one's own sin. In other words, it tells us what we must do when we do wrong. First, there is a need for confession. Confession is a humble acknowledgment of our fault and an admission of having done wrong in particulars, as well as by habit. This is usually the greatest obstacle to mercy. Often a confession fails to make amends because the confessor, instead of acknowledging the particular sinful act or attitude, makes a generic statement about "those who felt offended" or even "those who were hurt." That really makes others responsible for the offense--for having taken any--rather than the offender. When wrong is done, the offender should admit what he has done that was wrong, calling it by a particular sin, e.g. laziness, lying, selfishness, disrespect. In so doing the sinner takes responsibility for his sin and humbles himself before the one offended.

Second, there is a need to renounce sin. We must reject a preference for sin, having our minds changed by the truth of God, and turning away from sinful behaviors and thoughts. Many will argue that this is an impossible condition for forgiveness, because nobody is perfect. While that must be granted, there is a relative sense in which this need applies, and that is in turning from sin to the best of one's ability and by the power of Christ in us. In this matter, mercy follows intention. If a spouse commits adultery, what is necessary for reconciliation, at a minimum, is their commitment to avoid the same at any and every cost. Should the offender reply, "I just can't say there'll never be a time when I don't find it the preferable course," only a desperate spouse would find that an acceptable commitment. No one can guarantee perfection in life, but a desire for it is essential.

Both are necessary for one to find mercy.